Reprinted with permission from the book “No-Balls and Googlies” by Geoff Tibballs – Michael O’Mara Books Ltd, London, 2013
Advice for Managers
“Being the manager of a touring team is rather like being in charge of a cemetery – lots of people underneath you, but no one listening.”
– Wes Hall (48 test caps for the West Indies)
For Captains
“I absolutely insist that all my boys are in bed before breakfast.”
– Colin Ingleby-MacKenzie explaining how Hampshire won the County Championship under his captaincy
For Opening Batsmen
“Get a single down the other end and watch someone else play him.”
– Geoffrey Boycott (108 tests for England), when asked how best to deal with Glenn McGrath
For Off-Spinners
“When you’re an off-spinner there’s not much point glaring at a batsman. If I glared at Vivian Richards he’d just hit me even further.”
– David Acfield, 420 first-class games
Classic Johnners
For nearly fifty years Brian Johnston (nickname Johnners) was the voice of cricket on BBC television and radio. Famous for such audio clips as The ‘Legover’ Giggle; The Bowler’s Holding, the Batsman’s Willey; Illingworth Relieving Himself; and Turner and One Ball Left here are a couple more gems about the ultimate sports journalist...
An Idea for the Scorers
Brian suggested on Test Match Special that if batsman and wicketkeeper missed a ball from that fine Indian spinner Bishen Bedi, any runs should be recorded as ‘Bedi byes’.
The Cake Prank
On one occasion Brian set up colleague Alan McGilvray beautifully. “Have a piece of this delightful chocolate cake, McGillers”, Johnston said on air in his famously informal way. Then, as McGilvray was happily chewing a large mouthful, Johnston announced: “Now, for a description of that last dismissal, I hand you over to Alan ...”.
Another Johnners Set-Up
Jonathan Agnew was asked once to do a live ten- minute television interview with Fred Trueman and Jack Bannister about England’s dearth of fast bowlers. Bannister was distinctly uncooperative while Trueman started rambling on about damp courses and salmon fishing. Agnew was perspiring freely as the head of BBC TV cricket yelled in his earpiece that it was the worst interview he had ever seen. It was only afterwards that Agnew learned that the whole episode had been a practical joke lovingly arranged by Johnners.
A Lesson from the Australians
At the 1993 Oval Test against Australia, Graham Gooch fielded at short leg for the first time in years. After England had batted first, Gooch stifled Australia’s reply by catching both Michael Slater and David Boon in that position. Afterwards Gooch said to Boon: “I’m glad that you blokes fielded first because I didn’t know where to stand. But your footprints were out there, so I stood exactly where you did. I didn’t even have to move – you hit it straight to me!”
A Brief Encounter
After getting the wicket of Craig McDermott in the 1991 Perth Test, Phil Tufnell heard the Australian fast bowler snarl, “You’ve got to bat on this in a minute. Hospital food suit you?” When Tufnell nervously came out to bat with England in disarray, he faced a monster ball from Merv Hughes that reared up from a length, caught him on the top of the thumb and went through for a catch. To Tufnell’s horror, the umpire seemed on the point of rejecting the appeal, so Tufnell wailed, “Ow, my thumb. I think I’ve broken my thumb”. The umpire took the hint and raised his finger, allowing Tufnell to return to the safety of the pavilion ‘not a moment too soon’.