Reprinted with permission from the book “Favourite Cricket Yarns” by Ken Piesse — published by The Five Mile Press Pty Ltd, 2014
Message from the rooms
Allan Lamb was walking in to bat one day against the New Zealanders at Trent Bridge and instead of heading directly for the crease, detoured left towards umpire Dickie Bird, explaining he’d accidentally walked out with his mobile phone and would he please mind it?
“Yes of course,” said Dickie
“Oh, thanks ... and Dickie, if it rings can you please answer it?”
Normally a free-flowing strokemaker, Lamb was this day struggling to hit it off the square. Bird was at square leg enjoying the contest when Lamb’s phone rang. “Hello,” said Dickie in a whisper. “This is Dickie Bird on Allan Lamb’s phone ... who’s this?”
“This is Beefy,” said the unmistakable voice of Ian Botham. “Can you tell bloody Lambie to either play a few shots or get out!”
Not so subtle
Len Pascoe was sure Geoffrey Boycott had nicked a catch behind, but Boycott and umpire Dick French remained unmoved. “Marshy,” called Pascoe to wicketkeeper Rod Marsh, “before you give the ball back, would you mind removing the splinters?”
Windy welcome
Richard Hadlee was off his long run and bowling genuinely fast at Indian Anshuman Gaekwad, who in trying to avoid a lifter hit his stumps with his bat. To the unanimous appeal — and to everyone’s amazement — the stand-in umpire, a Madras local, called “not out”. In explanation he said the wind was responsible for the leg bail falling.
At the end of the over, Hadlee furiously snatched his hat from the umpire, who immediately went to Glenn Turner, New Zealand’s captain to complain. “When he starts hitting you over the head with it, that’s when you’d better start worrying,” said Turner.
Soon afterwards Hadlee bowled Gaekwad, his off stump breaking in two. “Bloody strong wind,” said one Kiwi fielder.
And one from Johnners
No cricket book on yarns would ever dare leave out something from the wonderful broadcaster Brian Johnston. Have you heard this one?
A small, terribly excited dachshund ran onto the pitch at Headingley one day. “He’s a splendid little chap,”Johnners said, “he’s wagging his tail like mad. And I can tell you he’s a fast bowler because he’s got four short legs and his balls swing both ways!”